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[elinorwise]

break the lock if it don't fit by themegalosaurus - Explicit, Episode: s15e07 Last Call, First Time, Consensual Kink

Вообще по всем параметрам этот фик должен был меня сквикнуть: во-первых, это фистинг - который не то чтобы напрямую сквик, но с которым надо, эмм, очень осторожно, - а во-вторых, тут в первых же абзацах Сэм отшивает Айлин.
Но, ЧЕРТ ПОБЕРИ, это настолько увлекательный, душевный, чувственный текст и настолько Сэстиэль до самых потрохов извините  что просто омайгааад.

Now Sam thinks about it, he can see that metaphorically speaking, the two of them have a history in this area. That’s the reason he was so ready to accede to Castiel’s plans today. Looking back through the strange sharp filter that overlays those memories of the Sam that wasn’t him, he can see Castiel’s hand plunged wrist-deep, rib-deep, inside his torso. He can feel (has felt, has thought about in that doesn’t-count moment before he comes) the brush of Castiel’s fingers against his soul. He can remember, too, Cas with a long syringe in his hand, a needle in Sam’s neck, draining the remnants of Gadreel. That had hurt, and it had been dangerous, and Sam hadn’t wanted him to stop.
Cas isn’t misreading, then. But what he’s suggesting is different, even for all the ways it isn’t.
“Are you sure you’re okay with this, Cas? This isn’t, um - for people, this is. I want it, but. This isn’t the same as what we’ve done.”
“No,” says Cas, “I know. I’m sure. I want to do this.”
Sam waits for Cas to add, “for you”. But he doesn’t. So Castiel does get something out of this, the strange dynamic that has opened up between them - the ritual of Cas pushing into Sam, scraping away at his insides. It’s hard to know what that might be without answering other questions about the way Cas thinks of him. What is Sam to him, now?

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