(no subject)

[elinorwise]

Sam feels bitter rage boil up. If Cas hated doing this to him so much, then why did he take over Sam’s control of his own body? It doubles in on the fact he’s only like this because of Cas in the first place. Because he was a chesspiece Cas needed to kick off the board. Because Sam’s not real. He’s not something that matters.
“I don’t know what you expected,” Lucifer says. “I mean, why do you think you’re so attracted to Cas in the first place? I swear, Sam, you’re just begging to be ‘betrayed,’ to be ‘hurt’. That’s why it was so different with me. You were the one who betrayed me.”
Sam feels dizzy. Won’t that just give you more hallucinations? Maybe there’s metal around his wrists, and he may as well have died. Who was he to be upset at what Cas has done? Why does it matter if Cas is the one who’s taken over his mind and body now anyways? What right does Sam have to it?
But if Sam’s just a carnival ride in the liminal night, then what’s the fucking point of consciousness anyways? He wants to say, just take my body. If you want it so badly. Better than leaving it with Lucifer. But don’t keep me here. Caged.

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