(no subject)

[elinorwise]

“Can I sit down?”, Jack then asks, still standing in the corner at the door.
Sam gets up and puts his laundry away from the only available seat. Except his bed. 
Jack sits down, rubbing his face and squeezing his legs together. Damn tears. He even has a headache. 
“I wanted to understand”, Jack mumbles, looking down at his lap. “Why I feel certain things for certain people-”, he looks up, Sam’s face is still a stiff grimace, “... why is it all so confusing?”
“Love?”, Sam asks.
“Yes, love. Sex. All of it.”
There’s a minute of nerve wracking silence, before Jack has the guts to say it.
“I only ever wanted to know how it is with you .”
It’s so quiet now, Jack imagines he could hear a pin drop at the gas station out of Lebanon. He knows he dropped a bomb right here, but he overheard another fight with Dean calling Sam a hypocrite -again- and ‘having the hots for the kid’. Apart from being called a damn kid again, Jack checked what that means. Having the hots. And well, yeah, Jack himself has the hots for Sam and he doesn’t want to live with the uncertainty anymore. He won’t meet anyone else he wants to be with, not in a very long time and if Sam doesn’t reciprocate his feelings, he can still try to move on. But there’s no moving on in a vacuum. Like now.
“Dean is right?”, Jack asks carefully, his voice is thin.
“Dean is right”, Sam finally admits and buries his face in his hands. “But it doesn’t mean it’s right. You know?”
“I know.”
Another second passes.
“No, actually I don’t know, Sam. I don’t think it’s wrong. You said you’d never judge. But why did you do so when I needed your approval the most?”

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