(no subject)

Я подписалась на sp8ce и сегодня получила уведомление; очень круто, что один из лучших авторов всё еще в фандоме и пишет 
Ожидание:

I literally wrote this because I felt bad for torturing Sam so much. Like I thought Allie might like this :) give him a blanket :) this is mostly just fluff drabbles not my usual stuff.

Реальность:

Sam has a lot of pain, some of it probably all in his head, phantom memories from the Cage. Lucifer used to tear him apart just to put him back together, and he wasn’t always good at actually realising he was whole and healed again. But some is just age, the life they’ve lived.


Cas wants to be able to fix everything. Like that’s all he’s made for. Sam can tell he’s upset that he can’t. He tries to give Sam a massage anyway. Sam’s so stiff. The last person who massaged him was Lucifer. The last person who put their hands on his neck was trying to hurt him.

Когда вошел в режим "torturing Sammy" и уже не можешь остановиться 
Ладно, шучу, очень милый драббл, на самом деле - и, чего уж там, за это я и люблю sp8ce: Cage Trauma в каждом тексте)
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(no subject)

To Predate Sensation by sp8ce - пвп, пост-9.11, Insecurity, Miscommunication.

He wants to apologise, but he doesn’t know how. He still wants to kiss Sam. But Cas just adjusts a little, not even trying to kiss Sam again, and Sam flinches.


“I’m sorry,” Sam says, finally. He’s digging his finger into his palm. Cas remembers doing that, in the hospital. He never knew why he did it, he just did.


Cas doesn’t know how to justify this. He doesn’t know what he can do to make it up.


“I can go,” he says, finally. He wishes it was as easy as ever to disappear. He thinks he would have from the beginning. Anyways, it’s easier, he thinks. It’s easier to never ever face Sam again than hear whatever it is Sam is not saying. Because Sam is considerate. But that doesn’t mean it won’t destroy him.


“No!” Sam says. “No, sorry, I’m just. You want to kiss me?” Sam asks. He seems a little perplexed.


Cas doesn’t want to confirm. But it’s not like he can say no, so he nods.


“I... uh... why?” Sam asks.


I want you. Cas thinks. And it’s half of it. I love you. 


But that’s not it either. Entirely.


I want to be consumed by you.


It’s closer.


It’s closer.


“You’re handsome,” is what Cas settles on. “I trust you.”


Sam lets out a little laugh. Cas thinks it sounds more sad than cruel, but he’s not entirely sure.

И да, Cage Trauma в каждом тексте.

“I had a good time,” Sam says. He sounds sad. “I’m glad, uh, I’m glad I could be the person you tried that with.”


“What’s upsetting you?”


“I don’t know, Cas, sex maybe is just, well. I fantasised about you before, you know?” Sam says, but he says it like it’s a tragedy, and not something that sends joy and excitement through every bone in Cas’s vessel’s body. “I feel like I didn’t do a good job at it.”

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