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Jan. 31st, 2024 02:27 pmIt is all so very unreal and messy. He’s just standing in the room when Sam enters, unperturbed in the daylight. Sam's head is buzzing so loudly that he’s not sure he can fully take in everything. His brain flashes a sensory memory of Lucifer owning him, and it’s louder than Cas’s voice could ever be. He’s tuned in just enough to see how nerve-racked Cas is.
“I don’t care that you’re a virgin,” Sam says. Cas nods, fiddles with his hands. It’s a bit unexpected, to be honest. Not that Cas is a virgin -- that makes sense, though Sam is envious he could live that long and not be forced to have sex at some point, but he guesses that’s what having angelic powers allows you. It’s just unexpected that Cas would care. Did he think Sam would judge him?
“I am trying to assess how compatible we would be,” Cas says. Sam worries his lip. It makes him feel a bit uncomfortable that Cas immediately jumped to sex like this. He gets it -- he’s not judging Cas for thinking through the unknowns methodically like this. It reminds him of how he had once dreamt of talking to Brady before--
But it’s just that, well. Sam hasn’t had sex since-- Sex isn’t what it used to be. And he doesn’t know if he can be compatible with anyone besides-- He doesn’t know.
“Okay,” Sam says. He feels like he’s roleplaying something that isn’t a ship wreckage. He racks his brain of what he used to like, but all he finds is shame. He thinks he used to like shame, too. He’s not sure if this is correlation or causation anymore. He wants to pretend it’s not inherent to who he is, but that seems somewhat laughable.
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